Bon Appetit

Those of you that know me well, know that I love to eat and that I love to cook. How I only weigh 115 pounds still remains a mystery to me and to those that have witnessed me eat. Though I am just an amateur cook, cooking is still an activity that I enjoy and do often. It has also been a shared passion in many of my previous relationships and I often date men that have an interest in cooking.

Chris is 26 and is a beer manager at a local beer and cigar store. I viewed his profile on Okcupid and became very interested (and intimidated) when I read that he had worked as a chef. Our IM dialogue went well, so we exchanged numbers and decided to meet in person.

We agreed to get drinks and as a beer connoisseur, I thought it was only appropriate for Chris to pick the location. We met at the Library in the South Side and sat at a small table by the window. Chris is tall (which I love) and has a beard (which is my new found love) and had no problems engaging in a conversation.

For our second date we went to Dave and Busters for some friendly competition. I'm not a competitive person but it was obvious that I was better than him at air hockey after beating him twice and letting him win the third game. We soon realized that playing team video games would have a better outcome for the both of us.

After our second date Chris sent me a text messaging reading that he wanted our next date to have less distractions so we could talk about "where this is going." Where what is going? Chris never heard from me again.

-Michelle

Marketing Yourself Online

I’ve been using online dating sites for 9 months and I have viewed both good and bad profiles. From my experiences I have developed a list of do’s and don’ts when creating an online dating profile.

Do create a witty and creative username; highlight your interests or hobbies. Members will notice your username and may be turned on or off by it.

Don’t use your real name. It’s easy to search someone using Google and find a plethora of information. Don’t over sexualize your username. HugeWangWilson (actual username) is not what’s hot.

Do post current pictures of yourself. If you own a cell phone, camera, or webcam, there is no excuse for why you can’t post any pictures. Post close up pictures of your face, full body pictures (clothed, of course), and pictures of you enjoying your hobbies and passions. If you have pets, involve them in your photo op because who doesn’t love furry little creatures.

Don’t take pictures using your dirty bathroom mirror. Grab a paper towel and Windex if you must. Don’t post a picture of you and five of your friends. No one wants to play Where’s Waldo. Don’t post pictures specifically of your abs (especially in front of a dirty mirror). “You’re so vain…” NEVER EVER post pictures of your reproductive organs (I’m so PC) because it’s TACKY. You would be surprised by the number of people that actually do.

Do complete all of the fields in the profile. People may custom their searches and you could be overlooked because you left something blank.

Don’t lie about your appearance, background, lifestyle, or anything for that matter. Once you dig that hole, you have to keep digging.

Do share your passions and interests. If you enjoy coaching a youth football team, share that in your profile. The reader may share similar interests with you and it will provide an opportunity for you all to connect. And no one wants to date anyone who no hobbies. That’s just boring.

Don’t be afraid to show your nerdy/geeky side. It is what makes you, you.

Don’t come off as being cocky or a douchebag. You will attract just the same...Unless you’re into that.

Do articulate specific qualities that you are looking for in your match.

Don’t mention how important trust is to you because your ex cheated. You might as well wear a shirt that reads “Yes, I’m single and very bitter.”

Do use spell check, correct grammar, punctuation, and actual WORDS. Who wants to read a sentence written like this “I’m definately looking 4 mrs. Write.”

Don’t be afraid to ask a friend to look over your profile. They can offer your constructive feedback or ideas of what to include.

If you follow those basic rules, you are on the way to a great profile. If you don’t, well, good luck.

-Michelle

Awkward Turtle

Text messaging has become the dominant form of communication for my generation. I personally hate talking on the phone but there are some situations when a conversation over the phone is warranted. For example, after exchanging emails via an online dating site and before going on a first date. This is usually a rule for me but sometimes rules get broken and in this case, I wish I would have played it by the book.

James and I exchanged messages on Okcupid. He is 27 and after working full-time for a few years, decided to pursue a master's degree at Pitt. He wants to work as an archivist at a library or museum after graduation. James is tall (which I love) and from his profile, seemed very outgoing and spontaneous (which I also love). We agreed to get drinks at Harris Grill when he returned from his trip to Michigan.

I arrived at Harris Grill first and requested a table upstairs. James looked like his photos but his personality wasn't exactly what I expected. He was socially awkward and refrained from making eye contact with me during our date. I was forced to carry the entire conversation which has proven to be a lot more difficult then it sounds. I was holding the duty phone for a coworker and luckily after about 45 minutes, received a text message from her saying she could pick up the phone which I used as an excuse to get out of there. Saved by the text!

Will I see James again? Oh hell no. I could see him but he wouldn't see me.

-Michelle

REJECTED

I received a message from John aka Beaver Falls on Match.com expressing his interest. My coworker had actually gone on a date with him, so I had no desire to communicate with him. I sent him the automated "Thanks, but no thanks" reply which he did not take very well. His response was " Don't flatter yourself. I send that message to every girl and you're not even my type." Again I sent the "Thanks, but no thanks" reply. Some people don't handle rejection very well.

-Michelle

One is the Loneliest Number...

Okcupid has a Quickmatch feature in which users can rate other members' profiles. If two members rate each other's profiles with four or five stars, Okcupid will send the members an automated message of the occurrence. Drew and I did just that and soon began exchanging emails. We later became friends on facebook and agreed to meet in person.

The plan for the evening was to get drinks at Shady Grove but Drew's friend was performing at Improv Pittsburgh, so we decided to meet there instead. When I arrived at the comedy club I informed the attendant that I was meeting someone there and my ticket had already been purchased. He greeted me with a grin and asked if my name was Michelle then escorted me to the front of the theater.

Drew is shorter than I prefer but his boisterous personality compensates for his lack of height. He didn't have a chance to change after work, so he was still wearing a suit and I LOVE men in suits. We ordered drinks and food and briefly chatted about our jobs and our day at work.

The audience was very "intimate" and included many friends and family members of the performers. Early on I noticed the absence of racial diversity in the audience. One of the performers took it upon himself to bring it to attention and Drew thoroughly enjoyed it. Just call me Token.

Attending a comedy show isn't the best first date unless you enjoying whispering in between performances and frequently saying "huh?", so Drew and I went to Rock Bottom for a few more drinks. Most of the conversation consisted of Drew telling me how hot and intimidating I was but he made me laugh, so I didn't mind.
Will I go on another date with Drew you ask? Well I already have. Several actually. He even brought me flowers. This is what happens when you don't keep up with your blog.

-Michelle

Beware the Batman

We're all guilty of it; drunk texting friends at all hours of the night after having one too many drinks. The uninhibited text usually serves as a good laugh for both the sender and the recipient but sometimes drunk texting can go too far. The sender reveals too much in the message, texts an ex or in my case, their date.

Jon is an aspiring writer from California. He currently lives in DC pursuing his career and working odd jobs such as a manny which brought him to Pittsburgh for a month. One day I saw Jon "stalking" my okcupid profile, so I sent him an email encouraging him to turn on his instant messenger so we could chat.

On July 30th, Jon met me in Oakland for a tour of the neighborhood. We went to the 32nd floor of the Cathedral of Learning for a view of the city. We later wandered around Oakland stopping to catch a glimpse of the new Batman movie and at Razzy Fresh for frozen yogurt. Eventually we found ourselves listening to a drum circle on Flagstaff Hill.

During our conversations Jon explained to me that he was experimenting with online dating while in Pittsburgh and hoped to have several dates with different women. We talked about how aggressive he should be in his approach with women and his strategy for utilizing his time since he is only free on the weekends. I shared with him my experiences in online dating and even revealed that I had a second date later than day.

As I walked Jon to his bus stop he realized that he did not have the correct change for the bus. He stopped in the 7-11 and purchased a pack of Doublemint gum which he gave to me in recognition of my two dates in one day. Double your pleasure, double your fun.

Later that evening after my date with Nate, I received a text from Jon asking how my second date went. He proposed that we get together because he "needed some release" and that he had the keys to the mini and enough to drink where it was a real possibility. I politely rejected Jon which he deemed my excuse as lame and harsh and advised that I "beware the batman."

I'm not sure what he meant by that but I found it to be very entertaining. Jon apologized for his behavior the next day and admitted that he had more to drink then he thought. Will I go on another date with Jon? Hmmm...probably not.

-Michelle

Advice from the Date Doctor

For our second date, Nate and I met at the Andy Warhol Museum for Good Friday. We both love museums, so what better way to appreciate art than with a drink. And if you've never been there, you'll need a drink or two for the art to make any sense.

During our date I immediately thought of one of the opening scenes from the movie "Hitch" when Neil and Mika go on their first date to an art gallery. "The key tonight is to hang back; give her plenty of space. If she lingers at a photography, move on but maintain a visual." I'm quite sure that Nate didn't receive advice from a date doctor or anyone for that matter, but it's definitely fun to think about if he did.

We viewed the different exhibits, sharing our thoughts and reflections about the varying pieces and engaging in random conversations. When we came to the Silver Clouds installation, I began to see a more jovial side of Nate. We played with the silver pillow-shaped balloons until we were scowled by a museum worker because our fellow balloon tossers in the room were being too aggressive.

One of the exhibits included showings of several short black and white films many of which did not have any sound. We found the film of the woman playing with a stuffed cat while straddling a man on a couch the most intriguing and we decided to do the voices of the characters. The script remained PG-13 for the most part, but it was very obvious by the end that the man had a thing for the cat.

We eventually made our way back to the lobby for another drink and were forced to listen to the atrocious sounds of an unknown band. We chatted about music until we were "politely" informed that it was 10pm and the museum was closed. Though our date ended abruptly, we both had a good time and briefly talked about getting together again. For our third date we are going to see Friends With Benefits at the drive-in theater tonight. Advice or not, what Nate is doing is obviously working.

-Michelle

A Date With the Enemy

Former Harvard president was recently quoted saying "...if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they're looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an asshole..." Well I would like to add a third possibility; that they are the SGA president.

I don't like dating men that are too polished and Silas was just that. He was president of SGA when he was in college and currently works in politics with unions. He had a bright white smile, great hair, perfect posture, and when he took a minute to think, it looked as if he was developing strategies to end wars and create world peace.

I noticed that Silas was "stalking" my okcupid profile on Sunday, so I sent him a message to break the ice. We began by discussing our love for food and cooking and shared places we enjoyed dining at in the city. I later noticed that his instant messaging was turned on and we chatted for about an hour before exchanging numbers. He told me that my assertiveness was refreshing and I saw that as an opportunity to move things forward.

On Tuesday we met at Tamari for sushi and drinks. Silas was wearing khaki slacks, a baby blue linen shirt, and he looked as if he had spent more time on his hair than I had did on mine. Ugh. During our date I kept questioning his sexuality or wondering if he was just simple a metro. Either way the sushi was great but the sangria was a little watered down.

Will I go on a another date with Silas? Ummm...probably not but I do highly recommend trying the Chipotle Tuna Tartar at Tamari.

-Michelle

A Tale of Two Cynics

I've received quite a few messages varying in quality from men of different ages and backgrounds. When composing an email, the sender has an unlimited amount of time to draft and revise the message. Because of this, I tend to be very critical when reading the emails that I receive. A message that simply reads "Hi" or has numerous grammatical errors or misspellings does not evoke a response from me. I appreciate when a man mentions what on my profile interested him, what we have in common, and more about himself. On June 29th I received an email from Nate on Match.com that was short and simple yet refreshingly genuine.

Nate is a 27 year old engineer's assistant from York, PA. He went to school for film, but did not pursue a career in that field though he is currently writing two screenplays. Nate is only 5'10" (I prefer taller men) and average looking but he is active which keeps him in shape and has soft blue eyes. He has a very mild temperament and a great sense of humor.

After communicating over the internet and phone for about two weeks, we agreed to met at Shady Grove this past Monday for drinks. During our date we spent a lot of time talking about movies, TV shows, and books. We're both Netflix junkies and enjoy the occasional book. We share a lot of common interests and were able to make recommendations to each other about movies and TV shows to watch and books to read.

During our conversations we learned that we are both introverted cynics. We both enjoy living alone because the activity of entertaining someone at night after interacting with people all day can be tiresome. We agreed that it is nice to come home with the option to spend time with friends or to not be bothered. We both like watching and attending sporting events but we are unwilling to make the emotional commitment it takes to be a fan. Neither of us are sure if we want to get married and having children seems to be out of the question.

Being on a date with Nate was like being on a date with my introverted self; there were a few quiet and awkward silences. Because I am an introvert, I usually date men that are more extroverted and outgoing which seems to be a good balance for me. But of course there is an exception to every rule. Nate seems like a very kind and genuine person and I enjoyed our conversations. Will I go on another date with him you ask? Why yes. I am seeing him tomorrow night.

-Michelle

The Megabus-Where I do My Best Thinking

I’ve been single (and ready to mingle) for 6 months after ending a 3.5 year relationship. The relationship was over before it began, so the decision to start dating again wasn’t a difficult one. I work at a university, so meeting men at or through work can be problematic. I can’t date students (unless I want to lose my job) and many of the professionals are fairly older and unfortunately, unattractive. Apparently it’s not cool to meet people in bars anymore and in social events/outings, people are usually more engaged with their friends and not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t get hit on that often in everyday life (surprising, I know!). As a result, I decided to try online dating. In February I joined the free online dating website okcupid and subscribed to match.

After experiencing traumatic and dramatic events in my life, I’ve learned to find humor in everything. Online dating has proven to be very entertaining and I often question if I am on an episode of “Punk’D” and Ashton Kutcher is lurking around the corner filming this foolishness called my life. I am rather open about some aspects of my life and I enjoy sharing my online dating experiences with my coworkers/friends. We laugh (and I sometimes cry) about how stupid, naïve, and self-absorbed men can be (I’m not a man hater. I promise).

While on the Megabus in route to DC for the 4^th of July weekend, I had the brilliant idea to start blogging about my experiences in online dating. Through this blog I hope to demystify the world of online dating. I’m a 25 year old black, middle class woman with two degrees, and a full time job. We all have our baggage but I would like to believe that for the most part I am sane and normal though those who know me well may disagree. I am just like YOU and if I can use online dating sites, there is no reason why you can’t.

I will share do’s and don’ts of creating and maintaining an online dating site profile and how to create and respond to messages. I will also post both good and bad examples of profiles that I have viewed and messages that I have received. You would be surprised what people with write when left alone with a computer and given access to the internet. Most importantly, I will give details of dates I have had with men that I meet on the online dating sites.

Enjoy.

-Michelle